short story: The Night Shift pt.1

Humans were never meant to work at night. My body tells me this thirty minutes after I’ve eaten my humongous Tupperware bowl of Chicken Tortilla soup  in front of the computer screen. From my four-quart, slow-cooker, I was able to pump out three whole Tupperware dinners for the week. Now it’s nine p.m., and I’m ready to be done. I feel as though my brain is on in another room in my skull.

I know this sounds crazy, but it’s actually part of my diet. Not the night-shift-part but the eat-only-once-a-day part. I’ve never officially been on a diet before. A couple of months ago, I picked up this book called, “The Warrior Diet,” on my Kindle Tablet. The super dumb-downed message of the book is to not eat anything except dinner. You can have water and coffee or tea through out the day, but that’s basically it.

For breakfast, I might eat some plain non-fat yogurt mixed together with blueberries and honey. Then, it’s tea, tea, tea and some more Earl Gray at work until the blessed time of nine p.m. comes a’ rolling around. Why nine p.m.? Because it’s the halfway point between five p.m. and one a.m.

I get up from my chair and march towards the fridge. Inside are other people’s meals from mix and match vegetables from Trader Joe’s or leftovers from a lunch they had earlier today. Of course, mine is the biggest. In fact, it looks monstrously big like I’ve brought some for the other people in the office. In the past, I’ve brought beef stew, left over pork ribs and beef ribs, steak, and just a lot of stuff where my co-workers have exclaimed where it all goes.

Technically, it’s called “controlled fasting.” Whatever it is though, it surprisingly works. I’ve lost 10 pounds. I’m not bogged down through out the day after my heavy breakfasts and lunches. And I don’t get those annoying hemorrhoids as much anymore like you’re getting stabbed in the asshole by sharp knives. That would be more painful but the dirty, smelly truth still stings.

***

 

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